The Rich Young Man - Mark 10:20-21

" 'Master, I have kept all these since my earliest days.' Jesus looked steadily at him and he was filled with love for him, and he said, 'You need to do one thing more. Go and sell what you own and give the money to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; then come follow me.'"

What must have it been like to have Jesus look at you in such a way. I can only imagine. What must have it been like to have those eyes look deep into your soul. A look filled with love and not judgement as one might have expected. Even a young man such as him who lived according to the laws had a fault, a weakness, a blemish, a bondage, a sin, a problem was not judged. How incredible is that?

I imagine that this young man had unwaveringly kept his eyes on our dear Lord while our Lord looked at him. He knew he was clean and he wanted to do more, more to please his God. I ask myself if I would be able to hold my gaze steady as Jesus looks at me. I hardly think so. I know He will look at me with love but it would have been to me a piercing stare which I cannot bare to encounter because I'm just such a broken piece of work. Not just a fault, a weakness, a blemish, a bondage, a sin a problem, but many. Even I don't want to look at myself for who I am. I would cover my face in my hands. Even that would somehow not be enough.

But deep within my heart, I still long for that steady look filled with love. I want to experience the moment when I see the infinite love my God has for me face to face. I want to be able to see that love.

I don't want to know about his love from the bible, etc, I don't want to "see" his love in my life through the people around me or through those who love me. Just but once I want to see his love for me through his eyes. I want to be able to look back unwaveringly under his gaze and say I've run the good race and its good to be home. Oh what a prize that would be.

Until then, I'm comforted that the first response of my Lord is not judgement but love. As the young man placed himself under your gaze. So too do I want to put myself there, that you might find what is lacking in me and give me the grace to accept and desire to love more.

I feel so small.