The Rich Young Man - Mark 10:20-21

" 'Master, I have kept all these since my earliest days.' Jesus looked steadily at him and he was filled with love for him, and he said, 'You need to do one thing more. Go and sell what you own and give the money to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; then come follow me.'"

What must have it been like to have Jesus look at you in such a way. I can only imagine. What must have it been like to have those eyes look deep into your soul. A look filled with love and not judgement as one might have expected. Even a young man such as him who lived according to the laws had a fault, a weakness, a blemish, a bondage, a sin, a problem was not judged. How incredible is that?

I imagine that this young man had unwaveringly kept his eyes on our dear Lord while our Lord looked at him. He knew he was clean and he wanted to do more, more to please his God. I ask myself if I would be able to hold my gaze steady as Jesus looks at me. I hardly think so. I know He will look at me with love but it would have been to me a piercing stare which I cannot bare to encounter because I'm just such a broken piece of work. Not just a fault, a weakness, a blemish, a bondage, a sin a problem, but many. Even I don't want to look at myself for who I am. I would cover my face in my hands. Even that would somehow not be enough.

But deep within my heart, I still long for that steady look filled with love. I want to experience the moment when I see the infinite love my God has for me face to face. I want to be able to see that love.

I don't want to know about his love from the bible, etc, I don't want to "see" his love in my life through the people around me or through those who love me. Just but once I want to see his love for me through his eyes. I want to be able to look back unwaveringly under his gaze and say I've run the good race and its good to be home. Oh what a prize that would be.

Until then, I'm comforted that the first response of my Lord is not judgement but love. As the young man placed himself under your gaze. So too do I want to put myself there, that you might find what is lacking in me and give me the grace to accept and desire to love more.

I feel so small.

Update.. way overdue

Its been a long long time we know but since coming back from Australia we have been so busy with work and life that our little bloggie got neglected.

One thinks that a wedding a year away gives us much time to prepare.. ahh.. but one is wrong. A photographer we both liked was booked by someone more than a year in advance so go figure. Still life has been good in general. Work for me is hard and unrewarding, for matt its I guess a new chapter with much risk but with it comes its due reward. Our wedding planning is slowly but surely taking shape and our journey with our Lord is still much left to be desired but we're getting there. In the words of Corinne May "we're on our way".

I miss my godsister very much. Manda if you're reading this I miss you very much *hugs*. So much is going through my head and my heart. I need to find time for prayer. I need to perserver. Its so terribly hard but I know I must for my source of strength is in Him.