Kidnapped by Aliens

Well. Here I am. The other half of Angel, and I'm here to tell you I've just escaped from my captors.

The first thing I did was to change the blog back to the friendly brown that it was originally before I got all 'zen' on it.

Well of course I haven't been kidnapped by bipedal diminutive green aliens with big eyes, however I have been extremely busy courtesy of my new job - essentially I have left the corporate world and all its regular 9-5 hours to embark on a career as a professional entertainer cum freelance designer. Right now I hardly get to spend proper quality time with Angel, and my work schedule resembles the output of a pseudorandom number generator.

The only upside is that I'm earning about 40% more than my previous company. Looking at the sacrifices/arguements Angel & I have been through since I started this crazy venture, the pay increase suddenly seems very small indeed.

On the flipside, Angel has started to play the keyboard for CSC's friday 'Growth' sessions. Today was her first time. I'm so, so proud of her. She's so brave. And she's already better than me when I first started.

I'll end my post here - I've a logo design to rush out, and the little green aliens are coming to get me soon. I'll write again as soon as they release me.

Just breathe

Qn: When do you know you've overworked?

An: When you have a migraine.

Yes an accumulation of all the triggers this week finally crossed the threshold. I thought I was doing well so could afford to push the line a bit more. But nope. My body was screaming.. ouch. It all happened in vocal class the vision started to go etc.. sigh.. so embarassing.

I'm better now but I so need to decompress. Have been working too hard. Not taking care of myself again. Been letting myself go and not treating myself right. All the late nights, the anxiety over work and over life has just taken its toil. After the bad migraine last year, I went on a meditation exercise and really made the conscious effort to slow down. Its work beautifully until recently I totally forgot about that. Note to self = I am not a duracell bunny.

I need to relook and slow down. I am no good to anyone when I'm sick or weak. I need to take care of myself before I can take care of others.

I'm going to be kind to myself and love myself.

The Rich Young Man - Mark 10:20-21

" 'Master, I have kept all these since my earliest days.' Jesus looked steadily at him and he was filled with love for him, and he said, 'You need to do one thing more. Go and sell what you own and give the money to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; then come follow me.'"

What must have it been like to have Jesus look at you in such a way. I can only imagine. What must have it been like to have those eyes look deep into your soul. A look filled with love and not judgement as one might have expected. Even a young man such as him who lived according to the laws had a fault, a weakness, a blemish, a bondage, a sin, a problem was not judged. How incredible is that?

I imagine that this young man had unwaveringly kept his eyes on our dear Lord while our Lord looked at him. He knew he was clean and he wanted to do more, more to please his God. I ask myself if I would be able to hold my gaze steady as Jesus looks at me. I hardly think so. I know He will look at me with love but it would have been to me a piercing stare which I cannot bare to encounter because I'm just such a broken piece of work. Not just a fault, a weakness, a blemish, a bondage, a sin a problem, but many. Even I don't want to look at myself for who I am. I would cover my face in my hands. Even that would somehow not be enough.

But deep within my heart, I still long for that steady look filled with love. I want to experience the moment when I see the infinite love my God has for me face to face. I want to be able to see that love.

I don't want to know about his love from the bible, etc, I don't want to "see" his love in my life through the people around me or through those who love me. Just but once I want to see his love for me through his eyes. I want to be able to look back unwaveringly under his gaze and say I've run the good race and its good to be home. Oh what a prize that would be.

Until then, I'm comforted that the first response of my Lord is not judgement but love. As the young man placed himself under your gaze. So too do I want to put myself there, that you might find what is lacking in me and give me the grace to accept and desire to love more.

I feel so small.

Update.. way overdue

Its been a long long time we know but since coming back from Australia we have been so busy with work and life that our little bloggie got neglected.

One thinks that a wedding a year away gives us much time to prepare.. ahh.. but one is wrong. A photographer we both liked was booked by someone more than a year in advance so go figure. Still life has been good in general. Work for me is hard and unrewarding, for matt its I guess a new chapter with much risk but with it comes its due reward. Our wedding planning is slowly but surely taking shape and our journey with our Lord is still much left to be desired but we're getting there. In the words of Corinne May "we're on our way".

I miss my godsister very much. Manda if you're reading this I miss you very much *hugs*. So much is going through my head and my heart. I need to find time for prayer. I need to perserver. Its so terribly hard but I know I must for my source of strength is in Him.

Home Sweet Home

Yes we are safe at home at last after a rather uncomfortable flight. Poor matt got a little airsick because he stared outside the window. Its a nice view but when the plan tips to one side, the horizon changes and it can have a dizzying effect.

A little bit more about the last 2 days at Melbourne. On Easter Saturday, we spent the majority of it lazying around in the house after a huge glorious breakfast. Amanda made her famous HUGE cheese pancakes (best ever.. no kidding). I learnt how to make it and we bought the pancake mix from her workplace. And since we miss each other so much and we stay so far apart, we agreed that once the mix is used up its a signal for me to go back to Melbourne or for her to come back to Singapore to bring me some! We had all sorts of pancakes, cheese pancakes, cream and jam pancakes, lemon sugar pancakes. Then we had the cremonial breaking of the easter bunny!!!! We umm.. actually decapitated the rabbit.. quite a sight.

Then the afternoon was spent lazying around, lots hugging and all the oh dear, tomorrow i'm home thingy with my God-sister. We were attending Easter Vigil so we had an early dinner. The 3 of us headed to Lygon street (Little Italy) and had quite a good meal. I had marinara (best ever) matt had penne with avacardo and cream and amanda had chicken ceasar salad and we shared a pizza! We had so much. We could hardly keep awake at mass. BAD!!!!

After mass all of us (my god parents and family and matt's mum and sis) made our way to Macs again for a small cosy celebration. It was lovely. Took a video and will post it up soon!

On our last day in Melbourne it was very very sad. My dearest god-sis and I woke up with the sad feeling. We both started singing - Leaving on a jetplane song.. sigh.. it was so sad. In the end she gave me her shoes and I ended giving her something else although I really wish I could have given her a better gift.

Matt and I left Melbourne with mixed feelings. We were so happy and touched by the kindness and warmth of my god-parents, clement and amanda and little christine (we missed eve too!). They treated us like family and not just to us but also to matt's mum and sis. We were at the same time feeling blue that we had so little time with them. Nonetheless we hope to see them soon and return them the hospitality and love they have shown us.

Now back at home, its back to the grind. But we now have a better perspective of life and we're pretty much ready to take on what life has in store for us as long as we keep God in sight.

Threefoldcord.

Melbourne Day 5

Today is Good Friday. We woke up quite on time today despite sleeping really late - The result of more than a few years of girl talk catching up all in one night. But it was a good night and strangely though we had little sleep we still felt refreshed.

We went for service today with amanda's family, matt's mum & margie, and amanda's family friend. It was full house. It was a simple service compared to what we have back home. As the service progressed I realised just how very much we take forgranted the church we have at home. At St Greg's (the church we went to) there was only 1 parish priest serving the community. He was very old and he was suffering from cancer and his hands were quivering as he was unveiling the cross. And yet at home sometimes we complain about our priest and we have the luxuary of hopping from parish to parish. How confession we can choose the priest when here confession is so hard because there is not enough priest.

We complain about the music when we already have so much, and here people have no instruments they just sing. I felt so guilty. I am going to appreciate my church community more.

After the service we had a little gathering, in a way to welcome all of us Singaporeees to Melbourne and also in a way to celebrate our engagement (shudder.. that sounded weird). We had so much fun eating, praising god with a short PnW session with prayer, entertainment (where Clement i.e Amanda's brother pulled out all these cool toys and did a demo with yoyos). Then Matt also did great card tricks. We all had a good time laughing and it was just a lovely warm feeling of family and friends.

Thank you dearest Lord for giving us the gift of friendship and family. Thank you especially for sustaining the friendship between me and amanda all through these years. Thank you for that gift.

Melbourne Day 4

Hi all.

Matt here. Today began relatively early. We got up at about 9 pm. At least that was the idea. My dear wife-to-be (SHUDDER - Still not used to it) , she set the alarm wrongly so we ended up waking up 1 hour early. So we went back to sleep.

After waking up, we were picked up by Angel's god-sister. She happens to drive the same car as me so it was like seeing an old friend. Anyway we got on the freeway and went to her place, which was really very nice. Typical Australian home I suppose. Its really different from Singapore where everything is so close together. As I'm typing this I'm sitting at the kitchen table in her home, and there's ABSOLUTELY NO SOUND. I can hear my ears ringing. Its really quiet.

After dumping our bags, we went shopping at the nearest mall, where I bought a lot of chocolates. for the people at work. Wait let me correct myself: I bought a few chocolates, SHE bought enought to feed ethiopia. (angel: hey you prayed for a proverb's 31 woman right? Think merchant ship). I guess any worthwhile visit to Australia has got to include buying chocolate right?

We went to a nice pancake place later, where Angel's god-sister, Amanda works. (she's single damn pretty and super available) We had lots of stuff to eat.

Next we went to the church where we celebrated mass for maundy thursday. The mass was very different from Singapore. We tried to go church visiting after that, but most of the churches closed. In Singapore we would be visiting Churches all night long, before having supper at Jln Kayu.

Tomorrow I'm going to cover good friday. Apparently Amanda's parents (who are Angel's god parents) want to throw a bbq after good friday mass to celebrate me finally mustering the guts to propose to Angel.


Tata


Matt